I sit on the toilet bowl and I *hnnn*... I sit and *hoof*... I *hrrr*... plop into the water. A bubbling, sloppy ringing sound comes from somewhere beneath my ass. I stand up and turn around and stare into the bowl. There at the bottom is a phone lit up and ringing a garbled underwater, but otherwise generic ringtone. I stare at it shuffling towards the s-bend. Do I? Don't I? Do I? Don't I?

I pick it up.
"Who is this?"
"What, really?"
"And you, what?"
"Well, shit..."

I hang up and sit back down on the toilet, the wet phone dripping on my fingers.

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